Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
