I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
