when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
