I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
