3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The maid of honor just puked.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
