After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
COCAINE IS GR8
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
