I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
