her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pants are for mortals
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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