Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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