i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
