Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
