id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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