the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
