I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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