I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
