life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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