I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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