YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
