I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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