I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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