shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
