Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
