Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
