i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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