Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
