Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
