fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
