i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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