my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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