i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
