I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
should my penis look like a turkey
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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