i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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