remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
