You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
