we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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