I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
