I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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