OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
