is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
