The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
