in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
