I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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