he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
