It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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