woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
