Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
