She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
