made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
