You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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