The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
