But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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