so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
