I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
