I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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