So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
