There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
