Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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