I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
